Past epiphanies, soul journeys, and beautiful present-day chaos.

If not for meditation, my head would explode. Not literally, but I am surrounded by boxes, clothes, shoes, and all of the miscellaneous stuff New Yorkers accumulate in our small apartments.

I’m trying not to slack on my blog posts this week, but preparing for a move is never an easy feat in New York City. Oh, I’m not leaving. I’m very excited to be moving closer to the heart of the East Village. I can’t leave, I REALLY fit in here! I can be as eccentric as I want, and not get run over by angry nannies with baby strollers. (One of the hazards of living uptown.) Since I have a LOT to do today, I’ll post one the first pieces of poetic words I wrote when I first moved to NYC.  It was mid July, and I was still in awe that I had made it here… via a soul journey and very long unplanned solo road trip from Austin, TX to Manhattan.

 

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Epiphany

I was losing myself, patience wearing thin

Angels transformed into devils… brewing within

A caged beast, claws ready to break free

This girl cannot be tamed by your “reality”

Ah, it feels so grand to be free of my cage.  Life is what you make of it, I’m truly convinced.  Only the brave can survive in this world without living in regret, anger, and loss.  A great deal of strength is required in order to let go and take a leap of faith.  Jumping into my car two weeks ago, I wasn’t sure what awaited me on the other side… In spite of everything, I knew that I needed an adventure this summer.  A spiritual cleansing, a bit of soul-searching.  Freedom.These are the best years of my life, in spite of the emotional roller-coaster inside my head.  At the same time, I’d like to think that the best years have yet to come.  I’m truly honored and blessed to have amazing friends and family.  Without love we will simply fade away, jaded inside.  Fear will destroy the possibilities in life, so I embrace the unknown… Amazing things come to good people who have patience. Yesterday in the midst of my epiphanies, I strolled through the streets of Manhattan on my way to my first shoot of the summer.  My inner-child glowed, and I felt the energy of the city flow into me.  Recharged by legitimate happiness, I realized I can finally breathe again.  Satiated in so many ways, and looking forward to the future… I’m no longer afraid of the unknown.  In fact, I embrace it with open arms.  It feels amazing to be alive.

-SuzyMae Howard July 13, 2007

 

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